“You’re Just, Like, Really Pretty”: A KUWTK Guide to Difficult Plants

To Andrea: Who watched enough KUWTK for both of us. This one’s for you, friend. Consider this my version of buying you a salad in a plastic container.

Just like that moment when Karen told Regina “You’re so pretty” in Mean Girls (which Kim and the girls referenced constantly throughout KUWTK), there are plants we can’t help but fawn over despite knowing they’ll bring nothing but drama to our lives.

These botanical beauties might look camera-ready for their confessionals, but behind the scenes, they require more maintenance than the entire KUWTK production crew. Let’s keep up with these plant Kardashians—gorgeous to look at but secretly plotting your emotional destruction.

The Fiddle Leaf Fig: The Kim of Houseplants

You’ve seen it in every stylish home photo, looking perfect in its ceramic pot, those large, violin-shaped leaves dramatically reaching toward the ceiling. Like Kim’s iconic cry face in the Bora Bora episode when she lost her diamond earring, this plant knows how to create memorable moments (mostly of despair).

But the Fiddle Leaf Fig (Ficus lyrata) is the Kim Kardashian of houseplants—gorgeous, impossibly high-maintenance, and constantly reinventing itself by dropping leaves and growing new ones. This plant doesn’t just want the perfect conditions; it expects them and will throw a tantrum worthy of Kim’s “my diamond earring” meltdown when it doesn’t get its way.

Despite all this, we still want them in our homes. Perhaps it’s because, like watching Kim’s journey from closet organizer to billion-dollar business mogul, there’s something captivating about witnessing such unapologetic drama from the safety of our couch.

Orchids: The “Get Off My Stage” of Plants

Remember when Prince kicked Kim off stage when she wouldn’t dance? Orchids have that same energy. They’re the beautiful snobs of the plant world that will reject your care efforts if you don’t meet their exact standards. Their exotic blooms and graceful stems create the illusion they’re naturally perfect, but like Kim freezing when given the spotlight, they’ll suddenly shut down if conditions aren’t precisely right.

Yet we still bring them home after spotting them on sale at the grocery store, convinced that we will be the plant parent to maintain their perfect appearance.

String of Pearls: “I Start Laughing When She’s Crying.”

The String of Pearls (Senecio rowleyanus) appears to be the ultimate statement plant, like Kourtney confessing “I start laughing at Kim when she’s crying.” Its cascading strands of perfect little spheres seem to flourish just when you’re at your wit’s end, finding humor in your plant parent struggles.

Like Kourtney setting boundaries, this plant will let you know when it’s had enough—usually by dying after you’ve invested months of care.

Calathea: “There’s People That Are Dying”

The Calathea (Prayer Plant) is dramatic in ways that would make even Kourtney say “Kim, there’s people that are dying.” Their leaves fold up at night and open during the day, constantly moving and demanding attention like the family’s ever-changing dynamics.

Just like the perfectly coordinated family photo shoots that took multiple episodes to organize, those gorgeous patterned leaves require a level of behind-the-scenes maintenance that would exhaust even the most dedicated momager.

Despite all this, we continue to collect different varieties, convinced that this one will be different, just like we kept watching every new season, hoping for less drama (but secretly wanting more).

Alocasia: “Okurrr” Until It’s Not

With its dramatic, architectural leaves and bold presence, the Alocasia (Elephant Ear) makes an entrance worthy of Khloé’s “OKURRR!” But like many of Khloé’s relationships that started strong only to face challenges, this plant will have you constantly questioning your choices.

Yet that one perfect leaf it produces after months of struggle keeps you coming back, just like viewers returned season after season despite claiming they were done with the show.

Maidenhair Fern: “Kim, Would You Stop Taking Pictures of Yourself?”

The Maidenhair Fern is the most delicate attention-seeker in the plant world. Like Kim’s constant selfie-taking (e.g., “Kim, would you stop taking pictures of yourself? Your sister’s going to jail!”), this fern demands your complete attention while presenting an impossibly fragile façade.

Caring for this fern will have you constantly asking, “Why am I putting myself through this?” Yet you’ll keep trying, because when it looks good, it’s spectacular.

Why Do We Keep Up With These Plants?

Perhaps, like our 20-season commitment to KUWTK, there’s something compelling about the drama these plants bring to our lives. Their beauty is undeniable, their maintenance requirements legendary, and the satisfaction of actually keeping one alive is the plant-parent equivalent of landing a Kardashian-level business deal.

So we’ll keep bringing home these botanical divas, staging them for the perfect photos, and pretending their care is effortless. And when they inevitably throw a tantrum over some imperceptible change in their environment? We’ll just channel our inner Kris Jenner, pour a glass of wine, and manage the crisis as best we can.

After all, as any true plant collector knows: The most beautiful things in life often require the most work—whether that’s building a reality TV empire or keeping a fiddle leaf fig alive through winter.

In the world of high-maintenance houseplants, the true heartbreak isn’t the effort—it’s putting in all that work with nothing to show for it.

Subscribe for more plant drama! Up next: ‘The Real Houseplants of Beverly Hills: When Succulents Aren’t As Low-Maintenance As They Claimed.’