Vicki is the OG of the OC, and like a dandelion, she’s persistent, pops up everywhere, and spreads drama seeds wherever she goes. You think you’ve gotten rid of her? Nope.

She’s back as a “friend of” the show, then full-time again by Season 20, still screaming about her casseroles and love tanks.

Dandelions are actually kind of impressive in their resilience. They can grow through concrete. Vicki has that same energy. She survived Brooks, the cancer scam, and being demoted from full-time cast member only to return again and again.

The woman literally whooped it up through every scandal and somehow keeps coming back. And just like dandelions, there’s a bitter taste to everything she brings to the table, like those family van moments, the constant victim narrative, the drama that leaves a sour aftertaste.

You know that patch of crabgrass that spreads across your lawn uninvited, choking out the good grass and popping up in places it has absolutely no business being? That’s Ramona at every Housewives event.

She invades conversations like crabgrass invades a flower bed. She’s aggressive without permission and has a complete disregard for boundaries.

Her signature move? The Ramona Coaster (those crazy eyes darting around, leaving mid-conversation) mirrors how crabgrass sends out runners in every direction.

She survived multiple seasons of RHONY by being unkillable. Fans have watched her interrupt, overstep, and “support other women” (her words, not mine) for over a decade. The woman has the self-awareness of a weed and the staying power to match.

Jen Shah is kudzu. She has beautiful packaging hiding an absolute disaster underneath. Kudzu is that invasive vine that takes over everything in the South, growing up to a foot per day and destroying everything in its path. Sound familiar?

Jen took over RHOSLC with her designer everything, her “Shah Squad,” and her completely unsustainable lifestyle that turned out to be funded by defrauding elderly people.

Like kudzu, she spread chaos rapidly, looked impressive from a distance, and caused massive destruction. The legal troubles were like root rot. Once they started, the whole operation came crashing down.

Kelly Dodd is stinging nettle—causes pain on contact, inflammatory by nature, and best handled with protective gloves. Every interaction with Kelly has the potential to leave you with a rash of regret.

She’s the plant that looks innocent enough until you brush against it and immediately regret every life choice that led you to that moment. Her social media presence alone is enough to cause hives.

The COVID comments, the train rumor (thanks, Tamra), the constant fights with everyone. Kelly is the definition of a plant that should come with a warning label.

Jill is a clinging vine that’s desperate to stay relevant, attaches to anyone successful, and refuses to let go even when it’s clearly time to move on.

She tried to climb her way back into that RHONY life for years, showing up at events, befriending current cast members, and generally acting like that vine that wraps around your mailbox and won’t let go.

Clinging vines can actually strangle the plants they attach to, which is very on-brand for Jill’s friendship style. Remember how she tried to control Bethenny’s entire life and career? Classic parasitic vine behavior.

Bethenny is sharp, defensive, and thrives in harsh conditions, but produces something valuable if you can get past the spines. And that’s why she’s a perfect prickly pear cactus. She’s built an empire in the desert of reality TV, but getting close to her means risking getting stuck.

Prickly pear cacti are survivors. They store resources, adapt to difficult environments, and don’t need much to thrive. Kinda like how Bethenny built Skinnygirl from nothing. But those spines? They’re there for a reason.

She’s quick with a cutting remark, defensive about her success, and will absolutely stick you if she feels threatened. The crying, the one-liners, the inability to just let things go—it’s all very cactus energy.

Like poison ivy, Tamra is pretty from afar, causes serious irritation up close, and thrives on chaos. She’s the plant that looks pretty in the fall with those gorgeous red leaves, but touch it and you’ll be scratching for weeks.

The woman has orchestrated more drama than the Quiet Woman has witnessed fights. She’s been behind some of RHOC’s most iconic moments, from “that’s my opinion!” to the naked wasted incident.

Poison ivy spreads through underground rhizomes, and Tamra spreads gossip through underground text chains. Both are equally effective at causing problems.

Ah, Teresa. She will always hold a special place in my heart after calling Danielle a “prostitution whore” and basically manhandling Andy during the reunion.

She’s prickly, defensive, with surprisingly deep roots, and painful to handle. But here’s the thing about thistles: they’re actually kind of beautiful when they bloom, and they survive absolutely everything.

This woman survived federal prison, bankruptcy, her husband’s deportation, and that unforgettable table flip. Thistles have tap roots that go incredibly deep, making them nearly impossible to remove.

Teresa’s roots in RHONJ are just as deep. I mean, she IS the show. Try to remove her and the whole garden falls apart.

Kenya is exotic, dramatic, impossible to ignore, and tropical-level extra, which is why she’s the perfect bird of paradise. This plant is literally called “bird of paradise” because it looks like a bird in flight, which is perfect for someone whose tagline was “I’m gone with the wind fabulous.”

She’s stunning, she knows it, and she’s not afraid to twirl her way through every scene. Bird of paradise plants are high-maintenance and require specific conditions to bloom, just like Kenya requires specific conditions (cameras, an audience, and someone to read for filth) to truly shine.

Now, are birds of paradise considered invasive? In the right (or wrong) climate, they absolutely can be—spreading aggressively and taking over garden beds. That tracks perfectly for Kenya’s approach to any franchise event.

Showy, dramatic, traps people in drama, and literally feeds on conflict for survival, Lisa Rinna is a venus flytrap. And those lips? The plant equivalent of the Venus Flytrap’s modified leaves. Both are designed to catch things.

She’s been catching cast members in drama for years, from the Munchausen incident to the Kathy Hilton meltdown.

Venus flytraps are carnivorous plants that need to trap insects to survive, and Lisa needs to trap people in scandals to stay relevant. It’s just nature.

NeNe is a Giant Sequoia with her towering presence, “been there forever” attitude, and ability to cast shade on everyone (literally and figuratively). She’s iconic, she’s formidable, and she’s been a central part of the RHOA world since the beginning.

Giant sequoias are some of the largest trees on Earth, and NeNe has one of the largest personalities in the Real Housewives franchise. She’s survived cast changes, her own spin-offs, and countless feuds.

The woman is a landmark. You can’t imagine the forest without her, even when she’s blocking all the sunlight from the other plants.

Kandi is a hydrangea, as she’s adaptable, changes with the pH of drama around her, blooms consistently, and brings both beauty and order to the garden.

Hydrangeas are fascinating because their color changes with soil acidity, and Kandi adapts to whatever drama is unfolding while staying true to herself. She’s a Grammy-winning songwriter, successful businesswoman, and one of the most financially stable housewives in any franchise.

Hydrangeas are also reliable bloomers that come back year after year, just like Kandi showing up with another business venture and another hit.

Heather has native authenticity, blooms where planted, is hardy in harsh conditions, and is refreshingly real. That makes her a perfect mountain bluebell.

These wildflowers grow in tough mountain conditions, and Heather has survived some tough conditions herself (leaving the Mormon church, divorce, raising three daughters).

She’s genuine, funny, and brings actual heart to RHOSLC. In a cast full of designer everything and manufactured personas, Heather is the wildflower that just grows naturally. Mountain bluebells are also known for being resilient and beautiful without trying too hard, which is very Heather energy.

Sonja is a snapdragon. She’s whimsical, talks to herself (and plants), has unpredictable blooming patterns, and is delightfully unhinged.

Snapdragons got their name because the flowers look like little dragon mouths that “snap” open and closed, which is perfect for someone as unpredictable as Sonja.

She lived in a townhouse that was falling apart, talked about her toaster oven business that never happened, and somehow made it all charming. Snapdragons are cottage garden favorites because they’re quirky and fun, just like Sonja stumbling through life with a martini in hand and a smile on her face.

Luann is definitely a climbing rose. She’s elegant, aspirational, literally tries to climb the social ladder, and brings beauty despite the thorns. Climbing roses are classic garden favorites that reach for the sky, just like Luann reaching for aristocratic status, cabaret stardom, and whatever man is currently available.

She’s survived arrest, rehab, countless relationship scandals, and somehow still shows up looking fabulous and unbothered. Climbing roses also are resilient. They keep growing upward no matter what tries to pull them down.

From “Money Can’t Buy You Class” to “Girl Code,” Luann provides endless entertainment while maintaining that untouchable countess energy (even when she’s no longer technically a countess).